The New In Thing In Convoluted Grammar

Have you noticed that people are taking group singular pronouns and acting as if they are plural? It's happening everywhere. 

We are happy to report that the staff are working 88 hours a week. 

Huh?

I understand that in England they do that. But honestly, people, it should be either:

We are happy to report that staff members are working 88 hours a week.
or
We are happy to report that the staff is working 88 hours a week.

I'm trying to let go of this, because we are indeed a global village. But I think if you're going to misuse these pronouns, you ought to be aware of it, and repent.

Must use Oxford Comma

A job posting on Linked-In for a copywriter gave the requirements: must be a team player, handle stress, be familiar with Microsoft Office, etc, and must use the Oxford Comma. 

What a joy! 

What is an Oxford Comma? Remember when we were kids and the teacher said to put a comma after all list items except the item just before the "and"? That concept has bothered me for ... lo these many years. 

Here's an example of what the sixth grade teacher demanded:

Before locking up the office, be sure to turn off the lights, air cleaners and computers.

It groups air cleaners and computers together and gives that group the same importance as the lights by themselves. 

Imagine if you did that in your will: 

All the money goes to Child 1, Child 2 and Child 3. 

Oops. It looks like the money is divided in half, with Child 1 getting half, and Children 2 and 3 splitting the other half. 

The Oxford Comma puts an end to this practice and makes life more fair. You put your comma after each thing. 

All the money goes to Child 1, Child 2, and Child 3. 

Unless, of course, Child 1 was the favorite and you just didn't want to come right out and say it!

(c) 2017 Suzann Kale

Beware TMI - I Thought of Something Else

Oh yes - and here's a good one that's used often:

"The Rusty Anchor Restaurant is closed for the Easter Holiday so that our employees can spend time with their families... (and implied but unsaid:) rather than slog to work to feed your voracious face, leaving our lonely spouses home alone with our wide-eyed, innocent, lonely children."

All you have to do is say: 

"Closed for Easter."

All the public needs is the basic info. Edit out the excuses. They will always be misconstrued by your customers.

(c) 2016 Suzann Kale

Incoherence

Incoherence is only allowed after 5pm on weekdays, and 8pm on Saturday night. Sunday it's time to get ready for the week by re-focusing on the possibility of linear thinking.

So today I took an online CPR course from the American Heart Association. The writing was perfect: clear, organized, meticulous. It was a joy.

Then I go back to the memo from the company administrator with instructions on how to sign up for the certification field test. Oops. Back to corporate reality. This was part of the memo:

"You may complete this process you're your department based CPR Instructor (if you have one) or you may log into E-Learning and enroll in a testing session... Please note as this program there is no class time that you must come prepared to demonstrate your skills competently."

There's no reason to publicly expose the mélange inside our heads. 

(c) 2016 Suzann Kale

Own Your Syntax

 It's about self-worth. If you write it, you need to own it. Otherwise, why bother?

Let's examine this #1 offender: 

"We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused."

Could this possibly be any more offensive? Let's break it down.

We apologize... - Using the pronoun "we" is like saying, "It wasn't me, it was other people. I personally don't even know how to turn on a woodchipper. I don't even know what a woodchipper is."

"for any inconvenience..." - The word "any" leaves it open as to exactly how much inconvenience there actually was. Maybe not too much. And the word "inconvenience" is both a euphemism and a cliche. It's like saying, "I may have put your foot into my woodchipper when it was grinding down a giant elm, and on the off-chance that it might have made you the teeniest bit cranky, hey, we understand that you're too emotional."

"this may have caused;..." - means "We totally think you're lying about your foot being shredded when we put it through our woodchipper, but our lawyers have written up this statement to keep you from suing us."

If you've done something to upset someone, you will make the situation worse by using insincere, cliche-ridden lawyer-speak. Corporate media people, please take notice.

(c) 2016 Suzann Kale

Please and Thank You

...are good things, and the world needs to be a kinder place. But in technical writing such as

instructions,  protocol charts, signage, and how-to memos, we are actually being kinder by leaving out please and thank you. Have mercy on your reader - they are not reading your copy because it is the next New York Times bestseller. They're reading it because they have to, to get something else done. There's no room for "Have a nice day" in any corner of the technical writing galaxy. Let your reader get the information and get on with their life.

Too Much
Please remember to check the top of the toaster oven before using it, so we don't catch our plastic duck collection on fire. Besides, plastic smells bad when it burns. Thank you.

Just Right
Clear the ducks off the toaster oven before using.

***

Too Much
After you hear the three beeps, please press star two (*2) in order to ensure that your message doesn't get erased if you then decide to go in again and revise it. Thanks!

Just Right
Press *2 after you hear the 3 beeps.

***

Too Much
I know we're all super busy these days, but we absolutely must remember to log our overhead announcements on the Overhead Announcement Log. Please initial this so I know you have read it. Thanks, guys.

Just Right
Have you logged your overhead announcement?

(c) 2015 Suzann Kale

Red Penciling

Sleek, trimmed-down copy isn't just for web content. No one has time for wordage in any context. We need to be merciless in cutting excess fat.

Examples:

Yikes                                                            Likes
No right hand turn                              No right turn

Learn how to park                             Learn parking

Beware of dog                                   Dog

This is somewhat verbose.               Verbose.

When you get a chance, I'd               Let's get a grip. 
like to go over the situation
that happened yesterday.


So take your first draft and your red pencil, and hack away. It's actually fun.

(c)2015 Suzann Kale

The Case for Clarity

If you have to send out two more memos to explain your original memo, you have a problem with clarity. 

The best way to make sure your memo is clear is to have someone proofread it. Spellcheck and Grammarcheck won't help you here. Only a fresh set of human eyes will do it.

You are just too involved in what you're saying to be objective about how you say it.

Recently the CEO of a large organization sent out an email request for people to sign up for a survey. His instructions were:

We in Senior Management have the greatest respect for all of our Employees. Our vision is to support the community, to care for our employees and their Families, and to deliver the very best customer service and to help those in need. Therefore, we are asking you, our employees, to log into the survey at the end of this Email, so you can tell us about your opinion's. It is understodd that We respect your confidentiality entirely.

Say what? Senior Management needs to give this email to someone to proofread before sending it out to 1500 employees. Here's how it should have read:

Senior Management cares about your opinions. Please log on to the survey at the end of this email, and let us know what you think. We will keep your answers confidential.

Sigh. 

(c)2015 Suzann Kale

Beware of Spellcheck

Here are some of the mix-ups that Spellcheck won't find for you:

• chose / choose
• accept /except
• their /there
• lose /loose
• who's / whose
• lose / loose
• then / than
• further / farther
• their / there
• insure / ensure
• breath / breathe

What else?

Insure vs Ensure

According to The New York Times, "insure" is used in all instances. I don't think "ensure" is even a word to them. Yet other style protocols, Writer's Digest for example, use "insure" for financial things and "ensure" for personal accountability things (Admin wants to ensure your happiness.).

The main criteria for an individual, then, would be: 

1. Consistency. Just like spelling "theater" or "theatre". Decide which you're going to use, and then keep to it.

2. Company policy. If your company has a style sheet, that's your guide.

(c)2014 Suzann Kale

Tags: grammar, spelling, syntax, insure vs ensure

Active versus Passive Voice

If you want to deflect the blame off yourself, use the passive voice. ("The shrimp salad became rancid after it was left out in the sun for three hours.")

If you want to blame someone, use the active voice. ("Betsy left the shrimp salad out in the sun for three hours, rendering it rancid.")

Passive: "The ambulance was called."

Active: "Betsy called the ambulance."

By using the passive voice in a memo, you are admitting guilt. Much better to just write the sentence straight on, and take what comes.

(c)2014 Suzann Kale

Tags: active voice, passive voice, business writing, writing styles, syntax

Formatting: Instructions in the Office

If you tape a sign to the clock where people punch in, one way to make sure it's coherent is to format it for readability. 

First, make sure you're in Word or an equivalent (not PowerPoint). Next, make sure your copy is flush left. And as always, keep the instructions precise and concise. 

Before:

If you're swiping in before midnight please remember to punch in your complete employee id number. Don't punch in the first 2 zeros, just the main 8 digits. If you experience Any problems call Stacey at 9220

After:

Anyone swiping in before midnight: punch in your employee identification number (without the first 2 zeros). 
Thank you, 
Stacey (Ext.9220)

Center formatting, as in the "before," seldom works for instructions. Also consider that people may spend 2 seconds in front of the time clock, so keep your instructions short and easy to understand.

(c)2014 Suzann Kale

Tags: formatting, Word, business writing, technical writing, syntax

Make It Concise

Even if you're writing something as quick as a 2-sentence email, there's no need to be sloppy. Here's how to make your tiny blurbs earn their keep.

Before:
Team Members: Please see the attached document, post at all positions’, (Guidelines for values). 

After:

Team Members: New "Guidelines" document is attached. Please post.

Before: 

Please if anyone has any issues, questions, or concerns please ask me, if I cannot answer I will ask my mentors, and use resources’ to answer anyone’s questions.

I advise against asking your co -worker Please come directly to me, I have 4 or 5 different ways of being reached if not in the office.    This will eliminate any misunderstandings you may encounter.

After:

Let me know if you have any concerns.

Before:

My goal is to keep everyone working together.  ( I will be delegating each team member , a department responsibility).  Since we are a team this will unite our department.

Some members of our staff asked for a job specific responsibility, I agree it will promote a united front.     ("A house divided will fall"). 

After:

I will be giving each team member a specific responsibility.

(c)2014 Suzann Kale

Tags: business writing, technical writing, verbage, punctuation, grammar, syntax

Discarding Excess Verbage

It started with technical writing, then became the standard for business writing: a slimmed-down style, with absolutely no baggage. 

Two things are needed when writing memos, emails, procedures, instructions, web content:

1. Precision

2. Extreme editing.

Take the following copy:

Well, it's easy. All you have to do is just find the arrow button - either direction will do - and push it until the three-digit identification number appears on the screen.

And transform it into:

Push the arrow button until you see the 3-digit number.

What a relief not to have to slog through a huge conversation, right?

Here's another "before":

Team Members: It has come to my attention that we are still putting items on top of the toaster oven. Please remember that this is a fire hazard, and put your stuff in your desk, or even in the bottom file drawer which is usually empty. Thank you.

And its "after":

Team Members: Anything placed on top of the toaster oven will be annihilated immediately.

How to do it: Write your copy just as you normally would, complete with excess commas, emotional rants, and run-on sentences. Then go through it like we've done here, and take out anything that is not absolutely necessary. Keep in mind what you want to tell people, and save everything else for your novel-in-progress.

(c)2014 Suzann Kale

Tags: business writing, technical writing, grammar, syntax, editing, proofreading, verbage, precision 

Who's versus Whose

The easiest way to remember which one to use, is to take the one with the apostrophe and extend it out so it's not contracted, and see if it makes sense.

Who's = who is

So if your sentence reads: "[Who's / Whose] toast burned in the microwave?", we see that "whose" is the one we have to use. Why? Because "Who is toast burned in the microwave?" doesn't make sense.

"[Who's / Whose] that handsome firefighter?" would have to be "Who is that handsome firefighter?" because that's the only one of the two that makes sense.

(c)2014 Suzann Kale

Tags: syntax, grammar, who's versus whose, apostrophe

Older Than...

"Then" is related to time. He went skydiving, then he had dinner.

"Than" is a comparison. The skydiver is higher than the clouds.

Tags: Then versus than

Spellcheck Caution

Even though you've run Spellcheck, you still have to proofread your copy. Spellcheck won't catch syntax errors, and it won't fix the "their" versus "there" issue or the "then" versus "than" issue. It makes a huge difference if your document goes out flawless! 

Tags: Spellcheck, Word, Their versus there

Loose change?

Or did you lose your change?

"Loose" change means quarters are jingling in you pocket. You have money.

If you "lose" them, then you have no money.

Tags: Loose versus lose

One Little Comma Can Change Everything

For example:

half a cup of chopped walnuts

vs

half a cup of walnuts, chopped


These two amounts will be very different. In the first example, you would chop up a bunch of walnuts and from that pile you would measure out half a cup. That's a lot of walnuts.

In the second example, you would measure out a half cup of whole walnuts. Then you'd dump them on the cutting board and chop them up. That's a smaller amount of walnuts.

Punctuation and syntax - something we often ignore when we're rushing to get out an email, blog entry, or memo - totally affect what you're trying to say. If we want our communications to be precise and easy to follow, we have to pay attention to these "small" details. Just this one little comma can make or break the recipe!

(c)2014 Suzann Kale

                                                                                                           

  Tags:  punctuation, commas, syntax

Is it Poetry, or PowerPoint?

Lately I've seen a lot of weirdly placed capital letters. In memos, emails, and on websites - there will be a capital letter in the middle of of sentence for no reason. Another variation is a return in the middle of a sentence with a capital letter starting the new line. And sometimes strange returns.

Here are some examples - and it's like this weird plague that seems to be spreading:


Team Members:
Please remember to place your Umbrellas in the hall, not in the office. Yesterday we had
Someone fall because the office floor was slippery.

I've been trying to figure out why this is happening. Are we inadvertently using PowerPoint or headline styles? And are we forgetting to proofread stuff before sending it out?

When proofing your memo, remember that nouns are generally not capitalized in the middle of sentences. And watch out for Word auto-correcting by adding capital letters willy nilly.


(c)2014 Suzann Kale

Tags: PowerPoint, headline, styles, auto-correct, capital letters, proofreading, writing