Follow that Car!

To never have another bad day in your life, avoid using the following words and phrases in your copy:

Never use the word location three times in a row. 

Never refer to an artist as, say, "the greatest living performer of his generation." You will instantly lose your credibility.

Remember that in copywriting, the words new and improved are translated by the listener to it still doesn't work and don't buy it if it's the last thing on the shelf. 

Never begin a sentence with the word well.

Whether you're writing a screenplay or scripting the last joke of the evening news, never refer to anyone as "doing the New York Times crossword puzzle in ink." 

Don't rhyme things.

Don't create a title for your article with a play on words using a current ad or movie title. For instance, a brain improvement article should not be called How to Be the Most Interesting Man on Earth.

Don't use an aphorism that everyone accepts because they've been hearing it since infancy, when in fact it actually has no relevance, and mostly no meaning. Examples:

Life goes on.

Be happy.

Suffering is good because we learn from it.

You've got to get out more.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Have a nice day.

Technology makes our lives too busy/crazy/hectic.

It's okay that he walks in his sleep - he's a creative type.

He minded his own business and just seemed so nice. 

(c)2016 Suzann Kale

Own Your Syntax

 It's about self-worth. If you write it, you need to own it. Otherwise, why bother?

Let's examine this #1 offender: 

"We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused."

Could this possibly be any more offensive? Let's break it down.

We apologize... - Using the pronoun "we" is like saying, "It wasn't me, it was other people. I personally don't even know how to turn on a woodchipper. I don't even know what a woodchipper is."

"for any inconvenience..." - The word "any" leaves it open as to exactly how much inconvenience there actually was. Maybe not too much. And the word "inconvenience" is both a euphemism and a cliche. It's like saying, "I may have put your foot into my woodchipper when it was grinding down a giant elm, and on the off-chance that it might have made you the teeniest bit cranky, hey, we understand that you're too emotional."

"this may have caused;..." - means "We totally think you're lying about your foot being shredded when we put it through our woodchipper, but our lawyers have written up this statement to keep you from suing us."

If you've done something to upset someone, you will make the situation worse by using insincere, cliche-ridden lawyer-speak. Corporate media people, please take notice.

(c) 2016 Suzann Kale