The New In Thing In Convoluted Grammar

Have you noticed that people are taking group singular pronouns and acting as if they are plural? It's happening everywhere. 

We are happy to report that the staff are working 88 hours a week. 

Huh?

I understand that in England they do that. But honestly, people, it should be either:

We are happy to report that staff members are working 88 hours a week.
or
We are happy to report that the staff is working 88 hours a week.

I'm trying to let go of this, because we are indeed a global village. But I think if you're going to misuse these pronouns, you ought to be aware of it, and repent.

 

Suzann Kale

Editing with Word

<In-house protocol copy - Sample edit and proofread>

To: All medical staff, switchboard, Dispatch[sk1] 

Re: Change in Emergency Code Protocol

Effective immediately, the following protocol is to be implemented for Code Blue - adult cardiac emergencies

       Nurse - dial [sk2] "999" from any floor phone

                 when [sk3] switchboard answers:

·       Confirm that a Code Blue isin[sk4]  progress (alert switchboard immediately if this isa[sk5]  stemi

·       Tell the operator what floor you are calling from, and what room the episode is in

      Switchboard

·       For all stemi's, first call the ambulance company that is first in rotation, to let them know you have a stemi.

o  If the abmulance [sk6] company can take the run, tell them the name of the patient, what floor the patient is on, and what the room number is[sk7] 

·       If the first ambulance you call cannot take the call, skip the second in rotation and go directly to the Fire Department

----------------------------------------------------------

---

 [sk1]dispatch should be lower case

 [sk2]Use upper case: Dial

 [sk3]Use upper case: When

 [sk4]Is in

 [sk5]Is a

 [sk6]ambulance

 [sk7]Replace with the room number

Mary Norris has the Total Dream Job!

Do you spot every grammatical error, each punctuation disaster, all dangling modifiers? Do you get upset when you see these infractions? Do you ever wish you were part of the Squad that could fix these things?

Mary Norris, aka The Comma Queen, is a proofreader for The New Yorker!!!! She has also written for the magazine and has published 2 books: Between You and Me: Confessions of a Comma Queen and Greek to Me: Adventures of the Comma Queen. 

And she has a TED talk, which is beyond delightful. Here is the link:
https://www.ted.com/talks/mary_norris_the_nit_picking_glory_of_the_new_yorker_s_comma_queen

Enjoy!

Staying Current with Intro Styles

Everyone's in a hurry. And: Everyone already knows all the

introductions that have ever been written online. If you're writing a blog, a how-to, an interview transcription, a research piece, an article --- be sure to get right to it. Skip the three or four paragraphs of cliches that used to be required openings. Your readers already know why they want to fix the toilet, learn how to outline a novel, who Einstein was, why you missed the signs that your ex was a narcissist, why love is better than hate, and why women should know how to change a tire. 

A one or two sentence intro is fine --- but no more than that. This isn't high school English, it's the web. Digitally oriented writers already know this. 

Say you want to know how to change 72 dpi to 300 dpi in Photoshop. Any good how-to article will simply start with "Go to Effects>Document Raster Effects Settings and either check high Quality 300 DPI or do a custom setting and use..." Hello and thank you. 

As opposed to an article, perhaps, on how to earn extra money if you've lost all your equity investing in companies promising to avert incoming meteorites from hitting earth. "So, you want to earn extra money. Perhaps you made a bad investment in anti-meteorite companies. Or maybe you were a victim of the housing bubble. Perhaps your ex got the settlement you were dreading. Now you need to earn more money. Perhaps you want to pay off your credit card debt. Or maybe you have a tax lien on your house..." 

You see what I mean? When you write copy, you will lose readers if you don't get right into the solution they are looking for. They already know they are broke / their dishwasher is leaking / their condo management has decided your dog is too big. They just want the answers. 

You help your readers by being direct, and you help yourself by keeping your readers!

Must use Oxford Comma

A job posting on Linked-In for a copywriter gave the requirements: must be a team player, handle stress, be familiar with Microsoft Office, etc, and must use the Oxford Comma. 

What a joy! 

What is an Oxford Comma? Remember when we were kids and the teacher said to put a comma after all list items except the item just before the "and"? That concept has bothered me for ... lo these many years. 

Here's an example of what the sixth grade teacher demanded:

Before locking up the office, be sure to turn off the lights, air cleaners and computers.

It groups air cleaners and computers together and gives that group the same importance as the lights by themselves. 

Imagine if you did that in your will: 

All the money goes to Child 1, Child 2 and Child 3. 

Oops. It looks like the money is divided in half, with Child 1 getting half, and Children 2 and 3 splitting the other half. 

The Oxford Comma puts an end to this practice and makes life more fair. You put your comma after each thing. 

All the money goes to Child 1, Child 2, and Child 3. 

Unless, of course, Child 1 was the favorite and you just didn't want to come right out and say it!

(c) 2017 Suzann Kale

Words I'm Not Using Anymore

So this is just the beginning/rough draft of this post, but I'm publishing it in hopes that I'll get feedback from readers.

Language - our inadvertent use of phrases we don't even think about - can shape our lives and our culture. For instance, Wayne Dyer said be careful about self-talk that begins with: "I am so sick of ..." or "Such and such makes me crazy..." or "I am always exhausted..." etc.

What about culturally accepted words and phrases that could also be harming us. Sayings that contain violence, sexism, or bigotry?

Here is the beginning of my list of things that we need to never use, ever again:


...killing 2 birds with 1 stone
...I'm so hungry I could eat a horse
...spiritual warrior

21st Century Writing

Don DeLillo's new novel ZERO K is a breathtaking masterpiece on how to write for the 21st century. See my review at:

http://suzannsblog.blogspot.com/2016/10/review-zero-k-novel_8.html